Dear Congressmen and women,
I'm writing to you to say thank you. I know that you're probably getting a lot of hate mail what with the whole government shutdown and all, but nah, I just want to say thanks.
I mean, first of all, I really just want to say how grateful I am that you're really keeping the interests of every American at heart. I know only one-third of Americans support repealing or defunding Obamacare, but I'm sure that you did much more extensive research. If you're being so vocal about it, there must actually be a majority of Americans who want to see this gone, right?
I especially appreciate your dedication to undermining a healthcare bill that's already a law. It shows some impressive determination to continue fighting something that the Supreme Court has declared constitutional. That kind of grit is what makes a real American. I'm sure no millennials need to stay on their parents' health insurance until age 26 or anything like that, because the economy is good enough that we can get jobs right out of college. ...No? Ah well, I'm at least pretty positive that women don't need to have their preventive care covered under health insurance. We can all either ignore our bodies or find some way to pay, am I right, ladies?
Oh, yeah, and speaking of millennials, you all are being great role models for my generation. We're lazy, entitled, and narcissistic, so we have to look to you, the responsible adults, to show us how we're supposed to act. We've only done trivial things, like that time we found a possible cure for cancer. Nothing awesome like shutting down the government twice in twenty years, or starting unnecessary wars, or running the economy into the ground, or completely screwing up the planet. Nope. That was all you guys. So you see, we'd really love the opportunity to learn from the smart hard workers like you.
A government shutdown must have been necessary, too. I know Fox News thinks it's just a slimdown, but you're smart enough to know that you actually shut the government down to get what you want. 800,000 Americans out of jobs is just collateral damage, right? You really, really just want to represent the interests of the minority the best you can. That's the opposite of democracy, but that's okay. It's not as if this will harm our already fragile economy. You've been talking for so long about wanting to get the economy back on track that I know you're cognizant of the effect this will have. Maybe you're planning something that the rest of the country doesn't know yet? Totally trust your judgment, but we'd like to be in on the secret.
Finally, I just wanted to say thanks for figuring this all out like mature, responsible adults. We, the people - your bosses, remember? - will remember that the next time we vote.
Keep up the fantastic work!
Love,
Lauren
P.S. This is how pretty much everyone else feels about you guys right now. Ouch!
I'm writing to you to say thank you. I know that you're probably getting a lot of hate mail what with the whole government shutdown and all, but nah, I just want to say thanks.
I mean, first of all, I really just want to say how grateful I am that you're really keeping the interests of every American at heart. I know only one-third of Americans support repealing or defunding Obamacare, but I'm sure that you did much more extensive research. If you're being so vocal about it, there must actually be a majority of Americans who want to see this gone, right?
I especially appreciate your dedication to undermining a healthcare bill that's already a law. It shows some impressive determination to continue fighting something that the Supreme Court has declared constitutional. That kind of grit is what makes a real American. I'm sure no millennials need to stay on their parents' health insurance until age 26 or anything like that, because the economy is good enough that we can get jobs right out of college. ...No? Ah well, I'm at least pretty positive that women don't need to have their preventive care covered under health insurance. We can all either ignore our bodies or find some way to pay, am I right, ladies?
Oh, yeah, and speaking of millennials, you all are being great role models for my generation. We're lazy, entitled, and narcissistic, so we have to look to you, the responsible adults, to show us how we're supposed to act. We've only done trivial things, like that time we found a possible cure for cancer. Nothing awesome like shutting down the government twice in twenty years, or starting unnecessary wars, or running the economy into the ground, or completely screwing up the planet. Nope. That was all you guys. So you see, we'd really love the opportunity to learn from the smart hard workers like you.
A government shutdown must have been necessary, too. I know Fox News thinks it's just a slimdown, but you're smart enough to know that you actually shut the government down to get what you want. 800,000 Americans out of jobs is just collateral damage, right? You really, really just want to represent the interests of the minority the best you can. That's the opposite of democracy, but that's okay. It's not as if this will harm our already fragile economy. You've been talking for so long about wanting to get the economy back on track that I know you're cognizant of the effect this will have. Maybe you're planning something that the rest of the country doesn't know yet? Totally trust your judgment, but we'd like to be in on the secret.
Finally, I just wanted to say thanks for figuring this all out like mature, responsible adults. We, the people - your bosses, remember? - will remember that the next time we vote.
Keep up the fantastic work!
Love,
Lauren
P.S. This is how pretty much everyone else feels about you guys right now. Ouch!
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