The following is a repost. You can find the original article that I wrote here.
They are the words that no parent wants to hear: “Momma, do you remember when you said no one is allowed to touch my private parts?” When those words left her eleven-year-old daughter’s mouth, Zita Scott didn’t want her to continue. She knew what her next words would be, and she knew that they would cause her unimaginable pain. Scott is not the only parent who has had to suffer through this – studies show that one in five girls is a victim of sexual abuse. So why aren’t as many people talking about it? Where is the support? Scott took matters into her own hands with her book, Momma, He Touched Me, Now What?. She aims to give a voice through the power of the written word to families who have been devastated by such a heinous act.
Abuse can happen at any age, but it happens usually during the pre-teen years.
When she first found out what had happened to her daughter, Scott's life seemed to stop.
"My life, the moment she told me, was put on pause, and I had no clue of how to get it restarted," she confesses. "There wasn’t a battery to jump start it—there was nothing. And...there aren’t many stories about how you can get to the point where you can smile on the inside again. We can smile on the outside and be destroyed and devastated in our inner being." There was a time when it didn't seem like Scott would even smile on the outside again. She was stuck in her anger at the perpetrator, her grief for her daughter, and anger at the world for not protecting her baby girl. Recovery seemed like a sin. How could she allow herself to be happy, why did the world continue turning, when nothing would ever be the same?
Scott had to go through several stages before she could really get back to being herself again, to being Zita. At first, she locked herself away from the world. "There’s this thing that mothers do," she confided. "They feel they need to do what is expected of me by my friends. They need to see that I’m suffering. I need to make sure they know that this has rocked my world." So she showed just how much she was suffering - she quit her job, kept her daughter from school, and showed the world that she wasn't going to let anyone hurt her again. She realized eventually that this was not the correct approach. "What I was doing was making sure that no one hurt her, but no one loved her either," she said. "We got it together, eventually."
Zita working in her office.
Then she started journaling to try and sort through her emotions about the situation. Four or five pages would be written each night and promptly burned - the words hurt too much to re-read. Soon enough, that became a ritual for Scott. Every week, she'd write, and every week, she'd burn the pages. The things she wrote were dark - full of anger and revenge. Burning the pages was like purging herself of those feelings. But eventually, things started getting better. She began writing with a purpose. And she began to read what she wrote.
"I started reading what I was journaling and I was like, okay, this is good, this is better. I wasn’t where I was. I started seeing some progress," Scott remembers. "I could say, 'I’m not where I was a week ago.'" Watching her mother do all of this writing caused her daughter to assume that she was writing a book about her. Scott says, "She came to me one day and said, 'Mommy, all my friends think I’m a liar.' And I was like, 'Why would they say that, that’s a horrible thing to say!' and she said, 'Well, I told them that you’re writing a book about me and they keep asking when it’s going to be finished, and I keep telling them ‘not yet, not yet’ and so they don’t believe me.' And I was like, okay, well, I didn’t know I was writing a book, but I guess now I am." That was the beginning stage of Momma, He Touched Me, Now What?
The 'now what?' part of the title is important - what exactly are you supposed to do when your child has been molested? Scott wasn't sure, either, but she began to find the answer through her writing. "I think that’s where a lot of people get stuck, at the point of the molestation, and they don’t realize that there is an after," she says. "That's what this book is about - it's about taking that next step...how we get back to a point where we're healthy, where we're happy, where we see a future." The book discusses how to stop being angry at everyone, how to stop yourself from constantly lamenting over the event, and how to say, 'yes, that happened,' without the pain. The child is not the only one who needs to learn how to cope with his or her new situation and move forward - the parents need help as well.
Zita's book cover
"I didn’t want her to think I was happy during this time," Scott admits. "In essence, I was doing the total opposite of what she needed." Scott and her daughter both attended therapy to help them move on from the situation. Scott's daughter bounced back amazingly quickly given her situation. The major burden for her had been lifted off of her shoulders as soon as she told her mother - after that, with a little help, she went back to being a wonderful, bright girl. It was Scott who needed just a little more time. She remembers her daughter telling her, “You know how I come into the room and you always ask me if I’m okay? I really need you to stop doing that. Because I’m okay. And tomorrow when you ask me the same thing, I’m still okay. You need to get it together.” Writing her book helped Scott do just that - she got it together and began using her voice to help others.
She hopes that her book will help parents who are going through the same devastating situation realize that the situation will get better. "I’m finding more and more that its not about being healed from molestation, it’s about being healed in general," Scott says. "One of the things I always want to point out is on the cover of the book, you’ll notice the black silhouette that the little girl has a pink bow on her head. That’s a symbolic message—that there’s hope. That she does have a bright future, that she does want to do great things and that she’s happy and healed."
You can receive updates on Scott and her book through the book's Facebook page.
I had intended to start again two weeks ago, but weekends just kept coming and going and let's face it, I am a lazy girl at heart. Plus even though I had some down time when I first moved in, I have once again become incredibly busy. Welcome Week preparation, the beginning of classes, and Welcome Week itself kind of took over my life. And I had to face another end - the end of being an Orientation Team Leader.
My first two weeks back in the States were mostly spent prepping for Welcome Week with the rest of the OTLs. My specific role was social media/marketing, so I had a lot less to do than the OTLs who actually had an event coming up to plan. All of the disparities in amount of work to do meant that we worked on our own time rather than coming into the office, which meant that I had more free time than I knew what to do with.
I'm going to let you in on a (not-so-secret) secret. I am the worst person ever when it comes to free time. I'm used to running around to multiple places a day, having a ton of things to do, and a strict structure to my day that means I actually get my ish done. Free time means I spend way too much time on YouTube and end up with five days straight of being unproductive.
Which means that this huge list of things for the OTLs to do makes me happy.
Training for the OCs (Orientation Coordinators) began the Thursday before Welcome Week. The OCs are the ones who actually take the freshmen to every WW event, have one-on-one time with them during the week, and put on events for the group that they're in charge of. The first day of OC training was held at the Audubon Zoo, which meant that we all got to get out of the freezing Student Affairs office and spend time outside! (Though, thankfully, not the whole day outside. It was too dang hot for that.)
Introducing ourselves to the OCs
OTLs take great candid photos.
Before we knew it, training was over, it was 8AM Saturday morning, and the Class of 2017 and their parents were taking over campus.
Move-in day is best described as organized chaos, as anyone who has ever moved into college on that designated day knows. Students show up with U-Hauls for a dorm room that's half the size of their room at home, parents are trying to cope with their son or daughter leaving home and are overly emotional, no one knows their way around campus, parking is a nightmare...and the OTLs, OCs, and move-in volunteers all signed up for this mess willingly. I think we're all insane.
I was in charge of the OCs and move-in volunteers for Wall and Paterson along with another OTL, Pam. I was lucky enough to have great people - everyone was really hardworking and on top of whatever they were supposed to do, which helped every time five cars full of stuff all pulled up to the dorms at the same time. It kept threatening to rain - sometimes it would drizzle and torment us with the thought that it was about to storm and soak everything - but miracle of miracles, it actually held off.
After the five hour chaos of move-in, the OTLs had about an hour to go home, shower, and change for the President's Convocation. I got to carry one of the seven gonfalons down the aisle to begin convocation, which was pretty awesome...even though I tripped. (But I'm pretty sure only the people in the front row saw. Or I hope so.)
Gonfalon and the chance to wear a new dress!
Looking very academic and official in my robes.
After convocation there was a reception for all freshmen and their families with President Cowen, other administrators, and of course the fantastic OTLs that helped to plan their June orientation and Welcome Week. It was great seeing some of my freshmen again, even if I was having trouble remembering names. (Hey, I warned them. Names are not my strong point.)
OTLs with President Cowen!
Lovely lady OTLs
Welcome Week is officially over as of yesterday, and it's weird to think that I won't be spending the bulk of my time with the other OTLs anymore. I got sappy in my last post about the end of Exeter, so I'm going to avoid that here, but this was a great group of people to work with and I have loved my job.
In the midst of all of this Orientation stuff going on, my apartment was becoming a home, too. All three of my suite-mates have now moved in and we bought decoration and extra furniture for the apartment. It's now a lot less sterile and white, though there's still a bit of work to do. We've even cooked! (Multiple times, which I'm sure is a shock to my family who never sees me in the kitchen.)
Roommate date to a food truck festival!
The bookshelf that Emily and I bought and assembled ourselves.
It's an actual real dinner that we made!
I really like my classes so far, though I can tell that they're all going to be a lot of work. Thankfully, I'll only be in class Tuesday through Thursday, which gives me a lot of time to work (I officially started freelance writing for Kicker!) and go to my internship. I foresee hundreds of pages being written this semester...especially since there's that novel I'm working on, too, which recently hit 300 pages! Thank god I like writing.
Some highlights from the past week in pictures, since this blog post is already pretty long:
Allyson with a 1-day-old alligator at Reily Rocks, the first WW event
On-campus concert Sunday - STRFKR
Flash mob at Monday's New Student Welcome!
Actual people at a Tulane home football game
We won, we won!
My strawberry/pineapple snoball from the year's first Fridays at the Quad
Friday's Riverboat Cruise - last Welcome Week event!
Westboro Baptist Church crashed the Southern Decadence celebrations. They were laughed at.
My aim is to make a new post every Sunday from now on. I feel like I'll definitely have enough to talk about for each week. I also changed the title and revamped the side bar a little bit - check it out!
